Diddiology #2: "Mo Money, Mo Problems"

Notorious B.I.G. was undoubtedly one of the greatest rappers of his time. What he lacked in vocabulary he made up for with alliteration in his trademarked raspy flow and the clever turn of a phrase. Biggie certainly wasn’t a crooner or a screamer, but his “I have smoked way too much in my lifetime” cadence could alternately be soothing and menacing, sometimes within the same song. While I don’t think his voice would have aged like a fine wine, if his career hadn’t been cut short so soon I think his creative inner voice would have grown by leaps and bounds.

I also think a point would have come when Puff Daddy wouldn’t hold him back as much as he did.

Today’s lesson in Diddiology, “Mo Money, Mo Problems,” isn’t even a Puffy song in a technical sense. The song appeared on the first disc of Biggie’s last proper release, “Life After Death.” The song, however, remains a perfect example of how Puff needs to physically hijack everything he touches for his own personal gain, especially when it comes to anything released under the Bad Boy label.

Having guest rappers overshadow a featured artist is nothing new, but in the late 90’s Puff seemingly took matters to the extreme. He couldn’t keep his hands off of anything he touched. Even in otherwise great Biggie songs like “Hypnotize,” he is still fucking there, singing the hook just to bash everyone over the head with the fact that Biggie is with Bad Boy for life.

“Mo Money, Mo Problems” pushes the concept of the guest rapper to new, annoying limits as not only Puff gets to have his own verse, but the song is started off by someone with even less talented. The vapid, black hole of hip-hop that is Ma$e.

In a later entry, I will get into in more depth how Puff tended to surround himself with people he thought were less talented that he was in a general effort to make himself look better; should one of his crew start to eclipse him in talent, Puff would seemingly distance himself from them or cut them off altogether. Puff probably knew that Biggie was his bread and butter and wouldn’t have dared push him away. So instead, he bogged down his albums with plenty of pointless guest appearances.

Ma$e is so awful that he makes Puffy seem like Frank Sinatra in his prime, and this video showcases him for all the wrong reasons. Ma$e comes off as nothing more than someone desperately hanging onto the coattails of someone a lot more popular than he is. He seems just so gosh darn happy to be there that he managed to eclipse my hatred of Puffy.

So if I hate Ma$e so much and I love Biggie so much, why do an entry based on this song? Because ultimately, Puffy was the person who made this song come together and pretty much pushed the more talented rapper to being nothing more than a background singer on his own album in favour of promoting someone so terrible it would make him look good.

Also, the video itself is an EPIC FAIL. Directed by Hype Williams (who is the king of hit and miss direction), the video is really three concepts in one, with none of them having any connection whatsoever. There is the video about Puffy winning a golf tournament with the help of Biggie from heaven. There is the video that seemingly takes place on board Missy Elliot’s spaceship, and there is the video that has something to do with ninjas dancing in what appears to be the fountain from the opening credits of “Friends” with various pyrotechnics going off in the background. There are also seemingly useless shots of Puffy and Ma$e walking through hallways while the are exploding and some fucking party breaks out towards the end, so if you want to get technical it is really like five videos in one.

Thus begins our analysis...

0:10 “Welcome to the Bad Boy world champion PGA tour. I am your host Ma$e Gumball. Puffy Woods win the champion from the three time champion Fuzzy Badfeet.” Now let’s break down the litany of fucking things wrong here.

1. If you have already sunk a shitload of money into this video, which clearly everyone involved did, couldn’t you have found someone that can fucking read, or at least act? This is the most ignorant sounding shit ever. It’s like Ma$e is too aloof to even care that he isn’t funny or charming in any way.
2. Is he trying to make fun of Bryant Gumbal? Because if that’s what Ma$e is trying to do he has failed miserably.
3. The video doesn’t exactly stand the test of time well, seeing that I can’t think of too many people who would still get the Fuzzy Zoeller is a racist reference.

0:36- Who is the guy with rose coloured glasses telling the world that Puffy is unstoppable? Doesn’t he know this is a video for a Biggie song and that he is only fuelling Puffy’s narcissism? Oh, wait. Puff probably hired this guy.

0:37-0:43- A barrage of imagery, none of which would ever fit together in a world outside of existentialist filmmaking.

0:45- Ma$e might have the lightest coloured tongue I have ever seen.

0:46- Missy Elliot just called. You are already starting to piss her off and she wants her style back.

0:51- I have always wanted to walk down a marble hallway while everything behind me explodes and a no talent friend of mine flanks me looking like Chris Tucker in “Rush Hour.”

0:57- Ma$e’s question would take far too long to answer here, but the short answer is while I don’t doubt he bought a blue car, it sure as shit isn’t Ma$e.

1:09- It’s funny that Ma$e should bring up his limp because his dance moves resemble a full body limp.

1:30- “Blow like Hootie” just gives me too much ammunition.

1:34- I have watched this part of the video six times now and I still have no clue what the hell Ma$e is trying to say at the end there. It’s almost like the hook to the song is playing him off like his verse was akin to an awards speech that needed to get wrapped up.

1:50- And we get the video stop to go back to the golf tournament we almost forgot about while in fucking space with fucking Ma$e.

2:00- At least by this point Ma$e seems to not care about trying to act anymore. Puff out acts Ma$e like DeNiro acting opposite a lutefisk.

2:10- “My man B.I.” What? You couldn’t add the last fucking letter?

2:16- Oh shit. You mean by winning this thing I just made money? Motherfucker, I am so bummed right now.

2:24- That cut in the music is about as jarring as a ten car pile-up.

2:30- Byah!

2:30- Ma$e, this isn’t even your verse, why are you hogging the camera?

2:35- Apparently Puffy even hires people to be his telephone.

2:38- “Ten years from now we’ll still be on top.” Let’s see. You did have an album out last year, but no one remembers it and your whole crew is gone so I am going to have to say this myth is busted.

2:40- Yes. Yes. You told us. You also told us you can’t stop. You say it every time I see you.

3:00- Putting your hand down your pants with a moustache like that makes you look really creepy. Having Ma$e gawking at you in the background doesn’t do you any favours.

3:02- I just realized I haven’t mentioned the dancers in what appear to be protective body suits. I guess the suits are there to protect them from the failure that surrounds them.

3:12- I said it last time and I will say it this time. I can dance better than these guys.

3:20- I know what Biggie is saying is relevant to the song, but did you have to get a clip of him at his wheeziest and dressed like Fat Albert? I keep waiting for him to end everything with “Hey Hey Hey!”

3:38- So what exactly is Puffy trying to control there? Oh, right. Biggie’s estate.

3:42- Lip synch one more verse that isn’t yours Ma$e and I will break your entire face instead of just your jaw like Ghostface Killah did when you tried to fuck with Wu-Tang, which we all know is something you just don’t fuck with.

3:45- Are they wearing fencing masks now, too? Did the threat level go up?

3:54- Thank you Puff. Thank you for getting Ma$e out of the way.

3:57- Apparently the white party just broke out.

4:22- I am paying more attention to Biggie’s verse than the rest of the video.

4:29- That’s it. You’re fucking dead.

4:46- I know this song well enough to know there is a full minute left and that there are no verses left, just Kelly Price singing an endless, sampled hook.

5:30- That fade out felt like an eternity.